By Justin
So I drove a lot this weekend. All that driving gives a man some time to think. I realized through all of this driving that I have come up with a few ‘choice’ terms for specific types of drivers, so I thought I would share.
Football Fielder: This is the person who wants to drive a constant speed in bumper to bumper traffic, so they will get in the left lanes and leave an entire football field in front of them. This person can be of any age or type of automobile. Why this person drives me nuts: The entire traffic pool behind them wants to get around them and most do, so while driving the constant speed they are letting hundreds of cars beat them home for the sake of speed and saving some brake pads.
Tennis Courter: This is the person who leaves about a tennis court in front of them, but as soon as someone gets in the lane to pass them speeds up. They will eventually slow back down and you can get in, but not before a few more revs of the engine. This person is typically a middle aged person, driving a Honda while talking on their cell phone.
Idiot: This is the person who is completely unaware of their surroundings and when the 60 MPH traffic comes to a grinding halt feels the need to overreact and use the shoulder as excess stopping room. The idiot doesn’t realize that shoulders are not stopping ramps and doesn’t realize that some shoulders contain dangers. This person drives me nuts because if you didn’t have room to stop, you were too close to begin with.
Butt Kisser: This is the person who is so close to my tailgate that I can’t see their headlights. It is beneficial to be able to see your car before I slam on my brakes for you to test your brakes.
My All Time Favorite…
Unnecessary Braker: This person hits their brakes in bumper to bumper 70 MPH traffic for no apparent reason. Sometimes they are on their cell phone and can’t talk and drive at the same time. Sometimes the lane next to them hits their brakes, and while our lane is not braking, they feel the need to react. Sometimes they are a two footed driver and accelerate while their brake lights are lit. Sometimes they are just plain stupid.
The fun in all of this is that I use the terms so much Holly knows what I am talking about. I will be on my cell phone talking with her in traffic and I can say I have a tennis courter in front of me and she understands. She also is now an expert, like me, with pointing out Unnecessary Breakers.
Good luck and happy naming!
6 comments:
Too funny! You are so observant. How about the "mommy driver" who tries to operate the dvd player, find toys on the floor in the backseat, and open fruit snacks all while trying to drive? That would be me on some occasions although I am really trying not to be.
aimee
A- that depends on how well you execute those tasks while driving! Does it cause you to slam on your brakes when you realize the car in front of you has come to a stop, or do you weave in your lane and cause heart palpitations in the drivers in front of, behind and on both sides of you? Hmmm...
Happy Driving!
H
While we're discussing names, I would like to point out that I was the first to use the term "Football Fielder." Just for the record.
H
It is true, that you were first Holly. But as is the case with so much of today's vernacular, I was the one who championed it!
;) J
You two sound like a well-oiled idiom machine! :-)
Love the terminology. :-)
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